![]() ![]() Something unconscious is going on here, maybe to do with your family of origin or issues with intimacy. “Examine why you have fallen for a person who is less likely to find a steady job. “Then, over time, we realise that the person is not going to change.” In order to move forward, she suggests exploring what has kept you in the relationship for five years rather than being critical of his choices. “We often start out thinking that we can change someone,’” says Kalanit Ben-Ari, a couples counsellor. I know it can be maddening when someone answers a dilemma with a question, but what attracted you to this kind, affectionate, emotionally open slacker in the first place? Your frustration about the disparity in your life choices is palpable I was curious about whether your partner’s circumstances have changed since you met and whether you had ever considered living together. I just can’t seem to find the right words, or way to do it. This is playing on my guilt about wishing to leave, as well as my fear of giving up on us and finding someone new – a daunting prospect. He doesn’t want to break up and is encouraging me not to end it. I feel concerned that I’m keeping him around as a friend. He is a wonderful man but I can see we are ill-suited in the long run. ![]() I find myself trapped and stuck, not wanting to wound someone so kind. He will not accept that I find our different lifestyles difficult to reconcile. I work nine-to-five, while he drifts around on whims and vague projects, and spends the few pounds that come his way on records. We don’t face the same challenges or routines. ![]() I’m buying my own place, which is stressful, while he leads a life lacking in responsibility (he lives at home). My partner is kind, affectionate and emotionally open, but I’m having huge doubts about our compatibility. I am in my 40s and struggling with breaking off a five-year relationship. ![]()
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